New Beginnings
by Peetamellarkandkatnisseverdeen
Summary: The games are over. The rebellion is over. Everything is back in place, expect for lost ones and Katniss and Peeta's relationship. Nothing goes back to the way it was before without some sort of fallout. Things change, and people change. Everything changes, and everything moves forward.
1. Five months

Five months. That is how long it's been since the rebellion ended. Five months since I have lost Prim. Five months ago I lost hope of Peeta returning to his normal self. I still hasn't moved from the chair I sit at, but only to go to bathroom down the hall, which I hate, because I have pass the study room where my younger sister, Primrose used to do her homework in. Some days when I pass the study room, I would come back to fire, only to find myself crying again. No. I wasn't the strong girl people thought they saw on screen in the arena when I took my place for Prim. Right now, Katniss Everdeen the Girl on Fire, was just another weakling to the other tributes.

I haven't been outside in those five months. I still might be weak, but right now, I'm ready to restart. I don't mean to forget my past completely, it is something I would never leave behind. It might have very painful moments, but I can't get rid of the scars they give me, because if I did that, once again I would feel like something that came out of the Capitol, not a flaw on my skin. They did do that to me once though it was right after my first games, and all of my scars from the arena and years of hunting were gone. I think about how much noise I had probably made last night. The arena was long gone behind me, but my nightmares still haven't gone anywhere. Last night was one of those nights when Peeta Mellark, one of the only victors of District 12, arms could clam me down. I hear the front door creak open, and I know that my old friend from the hob, Greasy Sae had arrived. Greasy Sae has been coming over twice a day making sure that I eat. I can tell she is surprised that I am already awake, because I am usually still sleeping by now. In fact the whole district is still asleep by now, but that doesn't really matter anymore since everything is different. I'm different. Peeta is different. The whole land pice of panem is different. And it is all my fault. If I had just died in the arena none of this would have happened. But apparently, what is the smallest thing in life, has the biggest affects on governments. A handful of berries and a suciside note is what brought down the Capitol. The people were right. People shouldn't be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people. Only a handful of berries brought down the Capitol, it just took people awhile to take the chance of a rebellion. I shake my head, looking away from the burning embers and up at Greasy Sae. I haven't talked in weeks, and if I ever was going to talk again, now is a good time to start.

"How are you?" I ask, I think about how lucky I am that Sae survived, because without my mother, who would take care of me? She looks up from what she was cooking, surprised again.

"Good. Are you feeling better?"

I don't know how to answer, the empty hole in my chest was still there. I never got to say sorry to Peeta. I never got to change things when I had the chance. I don't respond, but I get up from the chair and walk to the counter. Instead, I ask another question.

"What are you making?"

"Just a sandwich, Peeta gave me some buns." I watched as she made it, recognizing the cheese buns that I had once loved. She was done with it and handed me the bun.

"Thank you." I say, truthfully before I take a bit of the bun. Sae stayed until I finished, like usual, and when the door closed, I went up stairs. I took a shower, when I was done I put on the first thing I saw in the drawer. My fingers went through my long hair, yanking out the knots, when I realized it wasn't choppy anymore like it was when I left the Capitol. I look at myself in the mirror. My hair was the only thing that looked healthy, but at the same time it didn't. There where bags under my eyes from no sleep, where you could see my bare arms you could see the burn scars. I stared into my own grey ones in the mirror, they still looked a little wild, but I could see the pain in them. Just as I used to with Peeta. I looked down at my arm where there was a thin, single white line. It was easy to spot in all of my burned, scarred skin. That one was new, I don't know where it came from. Wait, I actually do. I dig into the drawer looking for the small blade. When I find it, I can tell I didn't care about it. The blade was covered in a small line of dried up blood. It was from last week, when I didn't really care about my actions. I stared at the line on my arm. Real pain was better than the empty feeling I have all the time right?

I put it back in the drawer, promising myself I'll get to it later.

I walked down the pathway, gently kicking a rock in front of me a few inches. I was back in the nicer side of town. I stopped and looked around. The school was almost done with its rebuilding for next month when school starts again. Peeta's bakery was done, but empty right now. None of the devices that our old head peacekeeper, Cray, put up is still up. All of it was gone and I was thankful for it. It would make the kids and the adults feel more at home. I was walking around the square when I heard yelling and the sound of running feet.

"Watch out!" I Looked up, but not fast enough.

The next thing I was aware of was that there was a boy standing over me.

"Are you alright?" He asks. "I'm sorry we didn't mean to hit you. Me and my friends were just playing catch and I ran into you and you fell." I noticed a football lying a few feet away.

"I'm fine." I say. I started to get up, but the boy helped me. I wasn't able to see his eyes clearly in the dusk, but I realized they were sea green. I almost called him Finnick. Even his hair was bronze, he was tall and muscular. Just like Finnick. I had to swallow to hold my tears back.

"Are you sure you are ok- wait. Are you Katniss Everdeen?" It took me a few seconds to process that. With my hair in my braid, it was the only sign, but this boy clearly recognized me. I nod my head.

"What's your name? I ask.

"Justin paleostiki."

"Well Justin," I say picking up the football. "Here you go." My eyes flitted to the school. "And stay in school."

"Okay." He says then starts to walk away but he stops. "Oh, Katniss. Thanks."

"For what?"

"For making my life and tons of other kids lives better."

"Your welcome." After that I ran back to my house. I didn't even bother to close my front door. I raced up the stairs and tripped on the top one. My eyes scanned the dresser. I grabbed the small blade just as the tears came. I sliced it against my skin. I just met a boy that looked just like Finnick. Another slice. The Finnick that always offered me sugar cubes. Another slice. The Finnick that helped me in the second arena. Anther slice. The one that helped me when Peeta was gone. Anther slice. The one who died because of the mutts making sure I got to the Capitol on a fake mission. Another slice. The one that gave me the rope I tied knots into. One more slice. I feel tears streaming down my face, but I don't bother to wipe them away. I remember Finnicks sea green eyes, the way he always made something funny, even if the situation would be risking his life.

"What are you doing,Sweetheart?" Haymitch voice asks before I can get another slice in. I dropped the blade startled.

"Nothing. How the hell did you get in?"

"You let your door wide open."

I cursed under my breath.

"Now, Sweetheart. What are you doing?" He walks over, his liquor bottle in his hand. He wasn't drunk, but he wasn't sober either.

I quickly try to hide my arm, where the cuts are, I pull my sleeve over them, my own blood trickling down to my palm. Haymitch grabs my wrist and pain goes up my arm. He pulls back the sleeve and his eyes narrow, he puts the bottle on the dresser, his expression completely serious.

"Why?" He asks, like he truly cares about me.

"It's nothing," I say yanking my arm back. "And since when do you care?"

"I always cared, just not in the way you imagine." He shakes his head, grabs his bottle, and walks to the door.

"You know Peeta isn't going to like this."

Peeta.

Hearing his name again stings just as much as it did to hear Finnick in my head. Peeta, the only other person besides Finnick and Haymicth who was actually able to help me. The way he took the nightmares away at night, or how he looked when he was baking or painting. How his voice sounded so much more caring than Gales. How he was able to use words, or made me feel something whenever he touched me. The bread he gave me.

That was gone.

The last time I was around him for more than twenty minutes he wanted to kill me, and he could have. He'd thinks I'm a monster, and I might as well be. I hadn't save anybody. I've killed people before, to get home to District Twelve. I left him that night in the second arena, leading to the way he is now. Because of me stupid choices.

I can't control it, my fingers grab the blade one more time.


	2. A big big day

I need to check on Haymitch, after what happened last night, I need to make sure he doesn't tell anybody. I grab my hunting jacket, and walk out the door. The warm, fresh air fills my lungs and I take a deep breath.

Once I was at his door, my hand rested on the handle. It was going to be a mess in there, junk scatter all over the floor, it was going to smell bad too. I just sigh, and push the door open. My nose is automatically filled with the rotten stench. I shake my head as I walk through the garbage on the floor. As I made my way to the kitchen, I realized he was probably going to ask me if I need help with Peeta.

Always teasing me about boy problems.

There was Haymitch, his arms sprawled across the table, his knife in his hand, fast asleep. I opened the window, letting fresh air in, and grabbed a pitcher full of water. I poured it on him and he splutters, swinging the knife around I should've taken it way from him before I woke him up. I shrug. Oh well.

"It's just you." He says, as if he's trying to clam himself down. "What brings you here. More boy problems?" I shook my head.

"Came to make sure you wouldn't tell."

"Wha- oh. Last night? That's your choice, sweetheart. I think you could tell him."

I shook my head again, but more violently. "No," I say quickly. "I can't. It's better if he doesn't know. He wouldn't care anyways." Haymitch started at me like I was crazy.

"Of course he would care. What made you think he wouldn't?"

"I don't know. He would be happier though." I tell him. "Then he doesn't have to worry."

"He's going to care no matter what."

That was probably true. If he was still the same Peeta. He isn't anymore the last time I've been with him, he wanted to kill me. But now he wouldn't have to worry about it.

I was already dead, anyways. I can't even do anything for myself. I was dead since the first arena. I allowed my death back then but somehow managed to survive, but when I got back, I started fighting for it. It doesn't make sense since I was still dead.

Nobody cared. Just needed me so they can do the rebellion. What they gave me in return? I lost Peeta and Prim. I choke back a sob, tears trying to spill out of my eyes. The vision of my little sister catching fire came back. I closed my eyes, hoping it would get out of my vision. It wouldn't help. Fire burns brighter in the dark. I stood up Suddenly, sending the chair a few feet behind me.

"I can't take it anymore." I mutter, and leave him starting at me like I'm crazy.

The tears stream down my face. I make my way blindly, not bothering to wipe the tears from my face. I made my way to the woods, knowing that when my feet reach Familiar ground. Once I get there I sit there for what seems hours, curled up in a ball, wishing that I would've just died in the games. If I did Prim would still be here. She was Supossed to grow up, have a life. She still had something to live for.

When I didn't.

Even if I did, it's gone now.

It's getting dark, and I force myself to stand and make my way to my house.

When I opened the door, I expected Prim to come over and give me a hug for no reason, while my mom was in the kitchen, smiling at my surprised expression while I held onto the door handle, keeping my balance.

Nothing happened.

* * *

"Up! It's going to be a big big day!" Effie chirpy voice reached out to me. I groan and roll over, burying my face into my pillow. My Imagination woke me up. I didn't actually hear Effie Trinket. She was supposed to be out if my life, living her happy life back at the Capitol. While I was stuck hear in district twelve. Not that I minded.

"Come on, Katniss. I know you're awake. It's time to get up."

"I don't want to get up." I mumble sleepily.

"Well, you have to," she says, yanking the pillow away. "The people in the Capitol want to see the star crossed lovers again." I sit up at that, and finally heard the noise coming from downstairs.

"Well you can tell them that the Star-Crossed lovers are over."

Effie sighs at this. "I know you and Peeta aren't together, it's only going to be for a few minutes. Just to let them know how you guys are. That you are good and you're rebuilding your lives."

I yank my pillow back. "Without each other." I muttered as I rolled over to go back to bed.

"I'm going to get Peeta to get you to come down stairs then." She says while walking through the door. At that, I jump out of bed. I didn't need him to wake me up. I made Effie jump when she realized I was behind her.

Wasn't me shouting that I'm up was not good enough for her. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I suddenly froze. The house was a mess, cords and cameras everywhere, but the most awkward part was Peeta standing in the middle of the room, looking bewildered, his hair poking out in every direction only in his boxers.

I force myself to look away quickly from his strongly built body while some one tosses him pants and a shirt.

Effie looks at a piece of paper that no doubt was a schedule.

"We're an hour late. You guys where supposed to be on an hour ago!" She says, then starts yelling at the cameramen to start filming while someone pushes me and Peeta onto the couch.

"It's only a quick interview." Caesar tells us. "Just so people know how you're doing." Someone starts counting for when we'll be live. Peeta and I sit stiffly away from each other. We aren't lovers. We aren't friends. We are tributes. Non-bonding because who you are sitting next to could be your first kill, or your last kill. It was obvious the same thing was going through Peetas head.

"It's ok." Caesar tells us. "You guys can hold hands." At that Peeta scoots closer and takes my hand. By the look of Caesar face, I can tell he expected more so I rest my head on Peetas shoulder. The red flashing light lets us know we are live. Like always, I let Peeta do all the work. I just sit there and listen. I was all I could do, anyways. All of the questions were directed to him.

"Katniss, I have one thing to ask you before we go." Caesar says. I face him so he knows I'm listening.

"How's Prim?"

Prim. The sweet innocent twelve year old I saved when I was sixteen. When she was at deaths door, I took her place I took the risk. But the the Thirteen year old I didn't save. My own sister. Out of all the people I saved or could have saved I failed to save her.

My own sister.

I look at my lap, then at Peeta, who now looks concerned about me, then at Caesar who looks at expectantly. I shouldn't tell these people the truth. I think about the people of the Capitol on the other side of the screen, who have seen a twelve year old die before and wouldn't have a problem with it if it was Prim. If I tell them the truth, their reactions would be completely different. They would feel bad and let out cries of loss. They would feel bad for the two star crossed lovers, because they know Prim and Peeta had got close. My throat tightens up and I feel tears threating to spill, but instead of crying I choke out two words.

"She's Dead."


End file.
